Tree Fall

21 weeks

Well closer to 22 really..

Feeling even more enormous. And feeling and seeing constant kicks. There's not much more to say really. Except that the weeks are rushing by and we're no closer to being prepared for the big event! And  I'm finding it strange suddenly remembering things about when I was carrying Bella, and realising that I am actually carrying another baby! And I'm also surprised by how much more I am aware of this time. And by how much harder my now 37 year old body is taking all of this. I"m telling you, it's not happy.
Bella is still dealing with it all very well and talks about her baby sister quite often. But it's still pretty abstract for her (and me!).
One great thing is that my non existing maternity wardrobe has just been given a much needed boost thanks to this  great post by Autum and the link to the tutorial.
And I can confirm that Autum was absolutely right when she says how quick and easy this was to do. In no time at all I turned a super comfortable (but waaay to big when not pregnant) pair of normal combats in to a super duper comfortable pair of maternity combats. Yay!!

You can hardly tell that I did it myself! (much).

So anyway, Jim and I have been working all night at getting the house ready for tomorrows little party and it's waaaaay past my bedtime. Night, night ...

Lists upon lists

Well that was an unintended little break. Nothing exciting has been happening and certainly nothing to worry about, it's just been a simple case of the week getting away from me, combined with lousy light making it nigh on impossible to take any interesting photo's.
And as much as I love Autumn, I also find this time of the year just a little bit stressful. I'm so aware of the passing of time, of how quickly this year will be over and how much has yet to be achieved.
I am frantically writing list after list. In my head (at 2 in the morning), on scraps of paper, in note books and on chalkboards, trying, trying, trying to fit all of next years plans in to the next 3 months!
Short term, I'm trying to organise next weeks little Halloween party, finish a couple of orders including a wholesale one, start a quilt for us,  start the Christmas crafting , including a new stocking for Bella and get some more stock in the shop.
Long term? Well long term just scares the living daylights out of me! I keep saying things like "after Christmas I'll sort out that new pattern", completely forgetting, until some thoughtful person points it out to me, that after Christmas I'll be a little busy with a new, all consuming project!
So, anyway, this weekend we're finishing up getting the decorations for the party (I've made most, but even I can't make my own balloons!) , downloading scary music and sorting out the recipes for the food. We're also off to the library (very proud to announce that completely out of the blue, Bella said that she needed to go to the library the other day to 'buy' new books!), making jam tarts and English Apple Cake (and hoovering, washing and tidying up of course!).

On the Halloween front, I've made the first of the party favour bags that the kids will all have.

I used some really nice calico that I bought a while back (it's much softer than some that I've found), and some craft felt, rather than wool felt, because these are only going to be used once and I couldn't bear to part with the good stuff!
I lined it with American Jane's orange Pez print, to add some colour and interest, and just folded the top over to create the channel for the draw string.

They'll each have some organic chocolates, some halloween coloured play doh, a skeleton or two and a softie pumpkin in. And maybe some more chocolate...
I'm also going to do a lucky dip, using a big tub of dried pasta, with some fun prizes in. Some home made toffee apples (recipe in October's Martha), some apple bobbing and lots of music and dancing. In fact, can anyone suggest some fun, scary, kid friendly music? All I can come up with so far is Monster Mash and Ghostbusters, which might just drive us all nuts if it's all I play for two hours straight!
Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

And just in case anyone thought that those pumpkins get to sit there. looking all beautiful and minimalist, this is the actual reality...

(We bought Bella her American Girl  in New York - and had the best fun choosing outfits for her. Seriously, everytime I want to slaughter my husband I should remember that I am lucky enough to be married to a man that enjoyed choosing just the right doll and clothes as much as I did! So. Much. Fun.)

Seriously though, anyone with music suggestions??

Pinkety pinkness.

Bella is often the last person to benefit from my work (apart from the presents my earnings buy her!). Actually that's not true. Thinking about it,  Jim is the absolute last person to benefit from my work, followed swiftly by my mother and then Bella. Which I guess means that it just doesn't pay off to be related to me!
However, some kind of early nesting urge has taken over, and I'm determined at the moment that my family and house should benefit from knowing me. Which is why I decided last week, amidst everything else that needs to be done, to make Bella her new quilt.

It's the first quilt that I've made for her since this  one, and I have to say that it's been a big success so far.
I don't know if it's the fact that it's pink (duh) or the fact that I made it just for her, but she's refusing to sleep under anything else and it's one of the very few handmade things that she's consented to be photographed with.

I've been choosing fabric for this quilt since my trip to New York back in the Spring, when I fell in love with the deep pink of Amy Butler's Coriander print and the pinky/orange of Anna Griffin's Evelyn print.
The fact that Bella is so deeply fond of pink is not something that has sat easily with me in the past. The closest that I got to girly pink when she was a baby, was dressing her in red. But as she's grown it has become more and more apparent that my little girl not only has a mind of her own, but she has one that's coloured pink.
Also, although I work with pink a lot, it is not a colour that I dress myself or my home in. So when I had to face the obvious fact that a quilt in anything other than pink would not be appreciated (her first quilt in red and white actually sits in the front room rather than Bella's bedroom), I struggled with coming up with a colour combination  that would appease both of us (I spend a lot of my waking hours coming up with ways to satisfy both of our determined senses of style!).

I knew that Barbie pink was out and that I didn't want anything with an overtly girly print such as ballerina's. And of course nothing commercial because although a quilt made purely from Cinderella fabric really would have made her happier than anything else in the world, we all have a line that we just can't cross, not even for our children (at least until their screams are louder than mine!). But other than that, I was kind of lost with where to start.
And yet slowly I realised that my stash was getting pinkier and pinkier and that it wasn't just out of love for my daughter, but that I was in fact starting to really like the colour myself. And so when it came to starting the quilt last week, instead of feeling a small sense of dread at  making something pink that would have to live and be used in my home, I actually enjoyed sorting through the different shades and prints of pink fabrics that I've amassed over the last 6 months.

Because I wanted to use two particular prints that work best on a larger scale (the gorgeous Starburst print  and a Liberty print that you can just see in the picture above on the right) I decided to create a pattern that combined both 6" squares and 11.5"  squares. This kept it nice and simple and meant that I wasn't using up too much of some of the prints that I don't have a lot of (mainly the pink Kincaid print by Liberty).

I chose the backing for a couple of reasons. I really would have liked to back it with more of the Coriander print but that would have meant waiting another couple of weeks before finishing it and these days I have to strike while the iron's hot or it never gets finished. So I chose an orange print that picks out the orange highlights in the Starburst print, the Anna Griffin print and the two floral Liberty prints. And in all honesty I had a couple of yards of it and it was big enough to cover the back of the quilt!

I kept the quilting really simple so that I could finish it in one sitting and used a favourite red and white spot  for the binding.

The whole thing took me a couple of days and I really am pleased with it. And really pleased that Bella likes it so much.
It's spurred me on to not only finally finish Bella's room - I had a huge clear out, rearrange and tidy up of her room last weekend - but also to make another quilt for our front room. I really want to be able to snuggle under a quilt over Christmas (I'm always cold when I'm pregnant).

When Bella saw me photographing the quilt this morning she insisted on sitting with it - however, she's unfortunately going through the stage of posing for pictures, so I ended up with a ton of pictures that look absolutely nothing like Bella!

And we both agreed that her beloved Pumpkin should get in on the act as well.

And finally, Bella had to take some photo's of me and the quilt..

(I don't care that it's blurred, I just love the fact that she's kind of made me look thin!).

Prints Charming, Prints Charming

It's not exactly a secret around these parts that I'm a big fan of textile design and fabric in general.  There are a lot of designers out there that bring a big smile to my face on a regular basis but I have to say that when it comes to large, graphic, colourful prints there's one design studio in particular that I'm a huge fan of  and that's the Australian designers,  Prints Charming .

Cath Derksama and Kirsten Junor first met in the late 80’s whilst they were both working for John Kaldor Fabricmaker. However, it wasn’t until 15 years later, after both going there separate ways, that a chance meeting led to an almost instant decision to form a  partnership and produce fantastic hand printed fabrics.
And so, in 2003 the textiles design team of  Prints Charming was born.

After a number of years of printing their own fabrics, the design team decided to produce a line for Free Spirit and created the bright, exciting and eclectic ‘Follow Your Imagination’ collection. 
The entire collection combined a natural youthfulness with an underlying sophistication and quickly became a firm favourite of many quilters and crafters, especially me (I have to admit to hoarding certain prints of theirs!).
Recently Cath and Kirsten moved to a new studio as well as deciding to move from Free Spirit to Marcus Bros. And have spent this year working on a new collection aptly named ‘ Two Young Street’ - the address of their new creative home.

And this latest collection stays true to the spirit of Prints Charming and again combines bright, bold prints with an organic purity.

At the beginning of the year I was incredibly excited (not to mention shocked) when I received an email from Cath, who was (unbeknownst to me) a reader of the blog. Since that initial email I’ve been lucky enough to get to know Cath and Kirsten and have had just the tiniest insight in to how much work goes in to designing a collection not to mention running the business side of such a successful design company. And I’ve been waiting with baited breath for what seems like forever for their latest collection to hit the streets.

So you can imagine just how thrilled I was to open a wonderfully heavy parcel of fabric a couple of weeks ago as Cath and Kirsten treated me to a sneak preview.
And this is where we get to the good stuff. The fabric.
Anyone who has used Prints Charming fabric knows that the feel of it alone tells you it’s special. Cath and Kirsten use a sueded poplin based cloth that makes it beautifully soft to the touch and makes it perfect for not only quilting but also for making clothing. And this is something that truly appeals to me. One of the down sides to buying fabric online is that you don’t get to feel it first and there is nothing worse than ordering some new fabric to discover that it’s rough to the touch and just feels cheap. With the PC fabrics this just isn’t an issue, it not only feels lovely but also hangs beautifully.

But softness aside, this collection’s great in so many other ways.
One of the best things about Cath and Kirsten’s work is that they truly understand how print and pattern sizes work and have managed to come up with large scale prints that are still detailed enough to be used in small scale projects. And this fact alone means that all of their prints can crossover from home decor use, to clothing and to both whole piece and patchwork quilting.

And this new collection has actually spurred me on to attempt hand quilting (something I truly suck at), because it’s large scale prints are just begging to be outlined in stitch, and I have to say they have even managed to make my abysmal stitching look not too bad!

The fabrics come in a number of different colourways, including a very grown up black and grey, but my favourite (if forced to choose) has to be the wonderful red, white and blue ‘Stars on Mars’ .
Designed as a contemporary print for boys, it manages to be fresh and young whilst still evoking a 1950’s Boys Own appeal.

As soon as I saw the rocket print I knew it would be perfect for a baby quilt and bib set that I needed to make for a friends baby boy (born today!). And I have to say that once I started using it and it’s co-ordinating prints I really didn’t want to stop. Because whilst there is an incredible amount of beautiful girl inspired fabrics on the market I really do feel that there’s a dearth of decent boy prints.
I have no interest in using anything that incorporates sports or military motifs, which leaves me with the few Cowboy prints that I love (Boden and Moda) and one or two or the retro Michael Miller prints, all of which, whilst lovely, are not bright and exciting and don’t have the simple graphic beauty of ‘Stars on Mars’.

I was also excited to see a couple of prints that are going to be perfect for Bella’s new Christmas stocking this year. I have been fretting for a while now over how to make a stocking for her that fulfills both of our desires of Christmassy (me) and pink (her). And am incredibly relieved to say that Prints Charming have come through on that one, with this great pink and white print in a pattern that for me, looks just like snowflakes and for Bella looks very pink indeed!

In truth, there’s just too much to say about this collection for one post, but to sum it up, there are prints that will appeal to almost everyone and colourways that really do cover all your needs.
It’s a great collection that deserves all the attention that it will undoubtably get and I am incredibly lucky to have been able to not only get a sneak preview of it, but to also have the chance to have so much fun playing with it.

Congratulations Cath and Kirsten on designing another fantastic  collection!

Oh and just look at their studio!

Seriously people, I could very easily and happily spend the rest of my days in that space!

19 Weeks.

This is the week that the pregnancy is physically completely and utterly undeniable! I basted two quilts this week and I swear that I almost crippled myself doing it. Bending over is no more than a foolish idea, as is expecting my hips to do something wild and crazy, like support my body weight!
I have developed a waddle that is so exaggerated that even I don't believe it can really be necessary. Bella keeps asking why I'm groaning and moaning and I'm certain that she's rolling her eyes internally, as if to say, for goodness sake, you're only half way through, get a grip already!
And even Jim, who is in the throes of a cold, hastily points out after every cough and snivel that he knows he doesn't feel nearly as bad as I do.
Oh and my ass is now so big that it doesn't fit on my desk chair anymore. Can you imagine how humiliating it is to sit down and feel like you're perching precariously? Not to mention being fairly sure that you're not the only one in the room groaning, because the chair's doing it right along with you.
Of course, the plus points are equally big.
Bella has started saying hello to M-P2 (which actually means poking my tummy viciously whilst shouting HELLOOOOO! in to my belly button). And Jim is now able to feel her kicking me. And of course my friends have finally stopped calling me fat and have had to admit that I do actually look pregnant.
Everything else is fine though. My hormones are a little out of whack (right Kristy??), and if (once) I start crying I only stop when I physically can't cry anymore (because I'm asleep), which means that watching things like the News can be a little difficult. Or anything overtly happy. Or sad. Or with kids in. Or dogs. Or Ewan McGregor (tears of frustration with the fact that he's not mine).
So, all perfectly normal and correct.
(although I am  wondering how I'm going to cope when I get any bigger!)...

Quilt

Bella's quilt is almost done. I've just got the binding to sew on, which is a favourite job of mine. I don't know why, but I find hand sewing quilt bindings one of the most relaxing things to do.
I've had quite a few people ask me how I get my bindings so straight and to be honest I've wracked my brains and just can't come up with an answer. I assume that I just do the same as everyone else!
But just in case I don't, here are the basics of what I do.
I always use a straight grain, double thickness French Binding, which I cut 2.5 inches wide and then fold in half and iron. I then sew it on to the unwashed quilt, with the raw edge of the binding sitting flush with the raw edge of the quilt. Then I handsew it on to the back of the quilt with small, even stitches.
See, nothing special at all. I think it's just a case of practice and I guess that enjoying it helps. What I really need to do is try a continuous binding - that sounds very cool.

Whenever Bella sees me making something she asks if it's for her and I always feel guilty for saying that no it isn't, it's mummy's work. So it was lovely today when Bella not only decided that we should both spend the afternoon in my studio (with her very happily watching our favourite Elmo dvd) but also being able to finally answer that yes! This quilt is for her.
Of course I expected her to tell me that she didn't like it (remember the dresses?) and steeled myself for the crushing disappointment. But no! She looked at it again and looked at me again and asked if it was really for her. And then asked again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And, well you get the picture...
In fact I'm feeling very loved and appreciated by her at the moment, because not only has she decided that her work is the same as mine, and that she loves her new quilt, but she has also stolen the topsy turvy doll from my armchair and taken it to bed with her. So sweet.
It is lovely suddenly feeling that Bella kind of understands what I do, not to mention that she is getting happier and happier for me to work a little whilst she entertains herself.
Which of course begs the question of why on earth am I going to get myself back to square one in 4 months time?

All work and no play

Whilst Bella was playing downstairs with Jim yesterday, I stole an hour or so alone in my studio, working on Bella's new quilt (almost done) as well as some new doll quilts for her babies (big theme around here at the moment, can't think why).  And was happily playing with a pile of scraps when Bella danced in, reached up on to my work table, grabbed a piece of fabric and waltzed off with it.
Before she even got to the door she turned back, reached up on to the table again, grabbed another handful of scraps,  aimed one of her cheekiest smiles at me and once more headed for the door.
Before she disappeared (with a handful of Liberty no less) I asked her what the fabric was for.
"My work".
"And I need more".
And with that she reached up and helped herself to a long piece of Amy Butler fabric that I was just about to use.
She then dropped to the floor and whilst arranging her fabric pieces informed me that she had work to do and was going to do it right here in my studio. Oh, and she needed more fabric.

And for the next hour that is what she did. With great concentration and intent. All the while telling me all about her 'work' and how important it is.

And I sat and watched as she rearranged layers upon layers of scraps and strips. Creating a beautiful patchwork 'bed' for her baby. Telling her baby to be patient. It was almost done. Her bed was almost ready. It just needed one more scrap. And that green ribbon. And my rotary cutter (NO!).

Half way through her 'work' Bella looked up at me and told me that my sewing machine was going too fast. I smiled and told her that when she was bigger  I'd teach her how to use it and she could make things for Poppy (her baby).
"I already make things for Poppy" she replied, with much indignation, whilst pointing to Poppy's patchwork bed.

Later, after bathtime and before her milk, Bella sat in the middle of the sitting room floor and explained patiently to both Jim and I that she needed her work again. Downstairs. Now. Or Poppy would get a little upset.
And yet later, at 2 o'clock in the morning, Jim and I heard Bella crying in her bed and stumbled in the dark to her room, to hear her sob...
"I need my work. I need it now Mummy."

I know you do Sweetie. And I know just how you feel, you gorgeous, crazy girl.

I know what I like

One of my favourite things is buying art from Etsy. There was a time when the only art I had in my home came from Ikea, because it was cheap and accessible and generally quite pretty. But not anymore. Now I am lucky enough to be able to fill my home with prints by wonderful artists that are original and creative and beautiful. And my latest purchase is no exception.
This print is called "I Like My Shoes" and is by British artist Askey and is one of a limited edition of 25. I had to buy it as soon as I saw it and it now hangs in my studio opposite my desk, making me very happy. Of course I could just as easily have bought all of her prints, and may well yet do so!
Askey's larger prints are all limited to only 25 copies, so if I was you I'd rush on over to her Etsy Shop and snap them up quickly!

Wahoo

Is the week almost over yet? Are we nearly there? Thank goodness for that.
This week has been a little wearing. A bit like a crazy rollercoaster, but without the fun part.
I'm still reeling a little from the events over the weekend and Monday. Followed swiftly by some family issues that blew up on Tuesday, leaving me feeling pretty damn raw. Also on Tuesday Bella was hit, very nastily, by an older boy whilst we were out playing! Which I have to say, was not good timing for the child or his mother, considering  that I was already feeling an overwhelming desire to protect me and mine! I was with friends when it happened and it would be fair to say that they ran for cover when they heard me demanding to know exactly who his mother was!
However, I'm pleased to say that Bella suffered no permanent damage and the week improved greatly when we went for (another) scan on Wednesday and had it confirmed that M-P2 shows absolutely no physical signs of any problems and our consultant (love her!!) fully agrees that there is no need for any horrible tests. Phew.
Because we're all a little tired and stressed, my parents (who cancelled a holiday in Switzerland last week because of those bloody test results) very kindly offered to have Bella yesterday and today. She has the best time there and it allowed me to try and get back in to the swing of things.
Suffice to say, absolutely no housework has been done, but I have had the absolute luxury of hiding in my studio for two days, with very little distractions - other than the rather lovely one of an increasingly constant kicking from my very active baby daughter.

I started work (finally) on this commissioned quilt today. I no longer have a permanent felt wall for planning my quilts, so I now just hang a fleece throw in front of my bookcase and use that. It works perfectly and only takes a second to put up and take down.
I've mentioned before how important I think it is to plan your quilts on a felt wall - it makes such a huge difference to be able to stand back and and really see how the colours work together and how balanced it looks.  And like I said, you only need a fleece blanket (this one's from Ikea for £2.50) and away you go, planning to your hearts content (I'm easily pleased!).
Whilst working on this quilt I came up with a few ideas for a much needed new quilt for Bella, the starting of plans for a baby quilt, and a appliqued linen quilt that I'd like to find the time to make. All of which is a good start to getting the creativeness rolling again.

Another reason for wanting this week to end is that it means that tomorrow is Friday and that means that I'm lucky enough to be being visited by this lovely friend. Can't wait.

Rewind

THANK YOU!!!!
Thank you all so very, very, very much for every last word, thought and drop of hope that you've shared with us. At the risk of sounding like a stuck record, I am once again overwhelmed by how kind and loving you all are and how lucky I am to be able to reach out to you all.
Again, thank you!

As most of you have assumed, my triple test came back as a positive and we were faced with having to make the decision of which, if any tests to have next.  To complicate things, we had been told before this pregnancy started that because we were effectively forcing my  body to keep a pregnancy that maybe should not be kept, we were at a much higher risk of this happening. So whilst we knew there were a lot of false positives we also knew that we couldn't afford to ignore the added risks.

That said, we both naturally assumed that everything would be fine and that the triple test would come back negative. M-P2 has had more scans than you can shake a stick at and each one had shown no problems at all, so we were pretty confident.
Until we got the phone call on Friday.
To say that I was shocked to be told that I had a very high risk, would be an understatement. I was completely floored. To such an extent that suddenly when I looked down, I no longer saw a baby bump, I just saw fat. I know that's crazy, but I was back to feeling like a fraud again. I was back to thinking that I couldn't say that I was pregnant because I knew that I was going to lose her.
The fact that there was a chance that this was a false positive didn't really come in to it for me, the issue was that the only way I could find out was to have a test that could risk miscarriage. And when faced with the fact that my risk of M-P2 having Downs was actually higher than the risk of having a miscarriage from an amnio, it seemed like an option that needed to be seriously contemplated.
Which is what we did. For three days. Going around and around in circles trying to decide whether we could risk everything, or whether we could stand waiting until she was born. Around and around. Feeling horrific guilt about the fact that our selfishness of wanting another baby at any cost could have caused so much pain for everyone. Hating the fact that Bella's life could be changed forever, because we decided to not let nature take it's course with the miscarriages. And being terrified that we may lose our daughter.
After talking and talking I decided on Monday morning to take the advice of a qualified friend and phone our screening co-ordinator to get more information.
And thank god I did.
Because if I hadn't made that appointment and then been my usual bolshy self, (I can be a complete pain in the arse when faced with certain situations) I would still be sitting here trying to work out whether to risk my daughters life, so that we would know what to prepare for.
Instead, I am sitting here extraordinarily grateful for a series of events that have led to me no longer having to make that decision. Because I am in fact, low risk. 
Whilst in the meeting we were having it explained to us just how they work out the risk factors when I glanced at a page that was being flicked through and noticed that my due date was listed a week earlier than normal.
Now I have had many arguements about this, because it drives me truly nuts that doctors will happily ignore the patient's own (often very well-founded) information, in favour of something that is incredibly arbitrary. 
Because we have had a scan every week of M-P2's existence we know for a fact that her growth levels change from week to week. And that dating her age based purely on size is completely crazy. Especially when I know exactly when I conceived. I think that it's incredibly important to listen to the patient and not just ignore her because a scan says different.
Ack, I could go on about this at great length, I really could, but I won't, because there are much more important things to talk about.
So anyway, I had another 'discussion' about due dates, which I backed up with both scanned evidence and personal knowledge and eventually convinced our co-ordinator that she had actually used the wrong date (she'd used a scan that she assumed was a dating scan when it wasn't) when working out the risk levels.
Now don't misunderstand me, I wasn't arguing this point because I thought it had any relevance to the risk outcome, because I assumed that it wouldn't have. I was arguing it because, well, in all honesty, that's what I do. I find it impossible to just let someone think something that I know is wrong and I am particularly bad when it comes to consultants and doctors. They are not gods and they do not know everything. And it is actually possible to know something that they don't, regardless of how well trained they are. Believe me, Jim has sat in on many such arguments. And many times these arguments have proven to be incredibly important. If I hadn't been so difficult when I was pregnant with Bella, there is a very good chance that she wouldn't be here today (driving me nuts whilst I try and concentrate!). And that's why I'm writing all of this - to stress that if you know something then stick to it, unless they can convince you with more than a "well that's just how we do it" argument.
So, I argued the point and once our co-ordinator believed me she picked up a different piece of paper that showed the risk factor worked out based on my normal due date and said if they used the date that they now believed was wrong, then I was high risk, but if they used the due date that I had had all along then the result was a negative!!
Which meant that if my friend hadn't known the co-ordinators number and told me to phone her, and I hadn't caught a glimpse of the wrong due date, and wasn't as horribly arguementative as I am, then tomorrow morning I could be having a procedure that could result in my daughter's death.
How friggin crazy is that?  How fragile is our control over all of this? And how much do you think we're alternating between cheering and swearing around here??

Relief is not a strong enough word and neither is gratitude. And I only wish I could come up with the adequate words to tell you all how incredibly touched my family is by the soft place you gave us to fall. Your comments and emails have been a comfort and an inspiration and an honour to read. So many of you have once again shared such private thoughts and feelings with me and that is something that I am stunned by and that I treasure.
The last three days have been awful, but it would have been far worse had I not had all of you to hold my head above the water.

Now, what do you say that we get back to normal again around here? Yes? Good!
(and THANK YOU again!!).