Tree Fall

3

(sorry to disappoint those of you that have been wondering if I'm off expanding the family. Unfortunately I'm not, I've just been ill and busy. Isn't that dull?)

So much of my life has changed in the last three years. It's almost unrecogniseable. And oh, so much better, in so many ways.
When I gave birth to Bella it was under stressful circumstances and we came horribly close to losing her in the last five minutes before she entered our world.
It took me months to realise just how close we came to losing her and it took me even longer to get past the subsequent guilt I felt at not acting in the way I should have acted. At the time of her birth I was concerned about myself and what they were going to do to me to get her out. I didn't once ask if she would be ok. It didn't once occur to me that she wouldn't be.
Almost straight after her birth she was taken away and I didn't see her again for 2 hours. And I didn't ask for her. It didn't occur to me to. I knew that she was safe, because the midwife had said she was fine. But I didn't ask anymore than that.

Later when I was taken up to the ward, I fell asleep and didn't really wake up again until the following morning. An hour past her feeding time.
The midwife shouted at me that I had put my premature baby at risk by not feeding her on time. She shouted so much that I started crying. I didn't know what was happening, I couldn't remember anything from the day before and I didn't even recognise Bella.

We were in hospital for a week. And for that week I didn't really feel that she was mine. It's not that I didn't love her, I just didn't know who she was. And I didn't know who I was now supposed to be.
After we got home things changed quite quickly. But it was literally months before I realised that I could just hug her and play with her. That I could show how much I loved her in ways other than by feeding her on time and making sure she was always warm and dry.
I loved her almost immediately but it took me some time to know who we were. Who Mummy and Bella were. I knew exactly how I wanted to parent, and I pretty much stuck to my guns and didn't do too badly. But I didn't know how we would work.

And then, at some indistinguishable point we happened. We became Mummy and Bella (or Manda and Beya, as she says). And I realised just who I was. And that that was the best thing I could ever hope for. How could I ever beat being Bella's mum?
And three years on I have the funniest (she's a comedy genius), kindest, sweetest, cheekiest, brightest three year old.
Her favourite thing in the world is to pack various 'essentials' in to various bags and take them every where she goes. One day it's her My Little Ponies and the next it's some wooden doughnuts or wooden icecreams. Another day it's Princess books and jewellery.  It's almost always one of her doll's bottles and a green muslin. And the bags change as often as the contents. It can be her Dora backpack or a paper bag that she's decided is hers.

And bedtime is equally interesting. After she's asleep Jim and I have to go in and empty her bed of dolls, teddy bears, ponies, books, wooden food, blankets, dolls bottles and pillows.
She's a total pack rat that can seriously become attached to a piece of tissue. And we never know what the obsession of the day will be.
Every time we leave the house we have major 'discussions' about exactly what she can and can not take with her. We have to negotiate how many dolls, how many bags, whether her shopping trolley (!) or babies buggy can come.

And then there's the negotiation of what can come with us but has to stay in the car. Of what can go in to nursery with her (one Pony). What can come in to the shops with her (only one bag or one doll, not both!).
And then there's the clothes. The dresses. The tops. The tights. Even the underwear. All has to be discussed and negotitated over. Because all of it makes up who she is. How she looks. How she feels.
And I love that. I love the fact that she is already sure of what she needs to feel good. And that she has commitments, whether it's to one of her babies or her new bag that would be upset if it was left behind.
She's headstrong and sure. And so very quick.
But she's also so aware of our needs. She always asks if I need anything.  And always shares her wooden cakes with me. She tells me and Jim off if we argue. She makes us kiss eachother if we're being mean to eachother.
She's simply a kind child. And everyone that knows her says so.
We love her. We're grateful for every single inch of her being. And we respect her. Because she deserves it.
And I guess we're soon going to find out whether our parenting has anything to do with who she is. Or if it was all a fluke. And to be honest I don't care. I just care that we have her and that's she's who she is. Because she couldn't be any better.
Happy Birthday my gorgeous girl.

35 Weeks

Huge baby. Bad cough. Sore throat. Almost constant 'contractions' that are going nowhere.  And still officially another 5 weeks to go.
And can I just put a request in to whoever thinks they're controlling all of this? It's Bella's birthday on Tuesday, so please no baby that day. And it's her birthday party on Saturday, so ditto. Ok?
Cheers.

Show and Tell...the sequel

You know I can't bear to put this stuff away, don't you? It's still all sitting in the gorgeous big basket (that was also a gift from Kristy), that it arrived in. I hate integrating new stuff in to the rest of the house!

Ali made these wonderful rubber stamps for us so that we could try and keep track of at least some of M-P2's milestones by using them to highlight baby moments on the family calender. I love this idea so much. I tried to keep Bella's baby book up to date, but after a few months it kind of tailed off, so the chances of this little one having an indepth baby book is relatively slim! Which is why it's such a great idea to use these stamps on just a normal calender. Love it!
I'm also going to use them to make baby announcement cards, because they are so much better than anything I've managed to come up with so far!

Alison is one of my favourite bloggers - which is strange when you consider that I don't knit at. all. But her words are always inspiring and I find her almost completely monochromatic colour choices to be so refreshing after a day of being surrounded by my own preference for prints, prints and more prints. She is also incredibly kind and thoughtful, not to mention wonderfully honest. Oh and did I mention how clever she is? Uh huh, just look at these clothes that she made for M-P2.  They are absolute perfection. And will look so beautiful on my newest little girl.

Have you seen these wonderful Nongs yet? They're made by Leah and I absolutely loved them as soon as I saw them on her blog. Leah doesn't intend to make tons more of them, but if you ask her nicely, she might just make a special commissioned one for you. She's good like that.
Can you imagine how pleased I was when I opened one of these? And then can you imagine how happy I was when I saw that there was a second one?? For me. Two whole Nongs just for me! (oh alright, it's actually one for Bella (the pink one) and one for M-P2. Bah!).

I'm pretty sure that I don't need to tell you where this bear came from? Who could mistake it for anything other than one of Blair's  gorgeous sweater bears. He's so cuddly and soft and I know that he's going to be a firm favourite with M-P2, assuming that the big sister lets her get a look in!
And the books?  I first saw The Three Martini Playdate on Amanda's  blog ( I think. Or am I wrong? Now I'm thinking that it might have been somewhere else) and it appealed to me immediately. There's just something about the title that appeals to me! Can't imagine why.
So I was really pleased when I saw that Blair had included it for me (and this present is definitely for me).
She was also kind enough to include one of her lovely notebooks - which I intend to use for keeping little bits of inspiration in when I'm out and about. I have lots of huge source books but I don't have one that I can just carry around, so this one's perfect.
Blair also included a book for Bella, but I couldn't get a photo because Bella slept with it last night (along with her Nong) and then took it to nursery. A success then!

This huge pile of gifts was from the wonderful, kind and hugely supportive Katie of MrsmksMusings.
As well as the gorgeous bunny ( I love her dress!), Katie sent little booties and a patchwork ball for M-P2 and I really gorgeous, reversible smock for Bella. And as if that wasn't greedy enough of me, she also sent a pile of fabrics for me (!) and a beautiful scarf. What a haul! It's all just beautiful and perfectly made .
(Katie, I don't have your email address, can you email me, so that I can thank you personally?).

(edited to add that katie does have a blog - it's here )

I mentioned in the post about the Shower that one of the big surprises on the day was the fact that Hazel was kind enough (and brave enough) to join in the fun. It was so lovely to finally meet her and she was not only a big hit with my family, but also with Kristy's (particularly Josie!) and fitted right in with all the craziness (that's a compliment, honest). But not only did she brave meeting so many people that she'd never met before (Jim, me and Bella, plus Kristy and the four girls - so 8 people in total), which would have been a big enough gift in itself, but she also brought us this beautiful quilt too.

This is only the third quilt that Hazel has made - and she didn't even know about the sudden emergence of orange in to the whole colour scheme before she made it. Fate or what?
I think that Hazel should definitely continue with the whole quilting lark, because if this one's anything to go by, she's a natural.
Oh and I also think that she should pop round more often! (especially when she brings Green and Black's with her!).

Could this tote be any more perfect? The almost depressingly talented Tif from Dottie Angel  (how can one person make so many gorgeous things? Not to mention being able to get her hands on so many beautiful fabrics and moving in to a fabulous new home? It's not fair I tell you!).
I was lucky enough to take part in a swap with Tif a while ago, for one of her amazing Slips, and then loved it so much that I bought another one (which by the way, looks good even on this hugely pregnant body - and Yes Kritsy, it is stretchy!), but I also always wanted one of her beautiful totes. Which I have a feeling I wasn't exactly subtle about! So to open this gorgeous one made me smile very widely indeed. I'm just not sure that I can use it - it's almost too pretty.
Oh she's too clever (and needs to open her Etsy shop again!).

Ahhh, I know you've done nothing but listen to me gush about everyone, but Oh My! Look at these!

Yup, my favourite Chicken of all time sent us this fantastically wonderful parcel. Which immediately resulted in a whole room of Ohhs and Ahhhhs and possibly even more tears from me.
You can't see it in the picture, but those little bootees are embroidered with tiny little seed stitches, and so is the gorgeous little Lavender Baby (have you made one yet? Why not?). And oh the pram quilt, the pram quilt! Perfect in every way.
And actually, I am going to show off now, because I feel so lucky to be able to say this, but this is the second time that I've gasped at something on Lyn's blog, only then to find it on my doorstep! And I have not got the slightest idea what I've done to deserve this - but I aint complaining!!!

Ok, it would be crass of me to tell you what the super kind and talented Joelle and Jennifer  put in this envelope, but needless to say, it means that I get to have a (not so little) spending spree in the best Quilt shop in the world. Now I just need to decide whether I spend it online or in person. I vote for in person, but that might not be for a while and I probably can't wait that long. Especially when Purl has just got a new batch of amazing Liberty prints in!

And finally, but certainly not leastly, this beautiful, soft and warm swaddling blanket from the amazing Vicki . She's embroidered a little sugar plum in one corner and it just finishes it all off perfectly. I can not wait to wrap M-P2 in it. Unless you feel it in person, you can not imagine how soft it is to the touch. And Vicki had sewn so much love in to it that M-P2's going to feel every bit of it.

I really do know how lucky we are. Jim and I walked around for days shaking our heads, saying that we couldn't believe what everyone had done. We really, truly would never expect it.
This is definitely the last baby we'll have and I am so touched that she's been made to feel so welcome and loved in the world, before we've even met her. And again, that includes the silent support and the comments, as well as the gifts.
What a day!

(Jhoanna,  your email keeps being returned to me,  I have no idea why - but I'm  going to keep trying to thank you properly!)