This wonderful, crazy, crazy girl has just started nursery two days a week. It's 4 months earlier than Bella started and one day longer, but I think that's often the case with second children. With Bella I worried desperately about leaving her with someone else and how she would cope and yet with Lily I've worried endlessly about her being lonely, left only with me when Bella goes to school. So four months earlier and one day longer, Lily has started nursery.  And is by all accounts, including her own, loving it.

There have been a lot of changes and a lot of stress in the last month, with 2 hospital stays for Bella and one for Lily, as well as starting school, starting nursery, starting new daily steriods, cutting new molars, and huge, huge changes in our daily routines.

All of which have led to changes in behaviour and personalities in ways that I haven't been prepared for or expecting. Some of it good - Lily has suddenly become hugely loving and affectionate after always being beautifully friendly and happy but not massively demonstrative or needy. And some of it bad - Bella has become horribly aggresive and arguementative and at times is unrecognisable in her in behaviour.

It's meant that the last few weeks have been slightly more trying than I would have liked and I'm not too proud to say that there have been moments when I've floundered noticeably as a parent. Bella's behaviour in particular has led to a fair amount of tears (from all of us) and has really tested me at times. So much so that I'm taking her off her steriods so that I can see if that makes a difference because I've just been so shocked by her aggresive behaviour in the last few weeks.

Thank goodness then that Lily has continued to be the complete nut job that she's always been, making us all laugh even in some of our worse moments. And the added extra hugs and kisses have been invaluable. And have of course led me to feel super guilty for deserting her at nursery! Which I'm sure has been her plan all along!

Part of the preparation for Lily going to nursery was making her shoebag, which I managed at midnight, the night before she started (obviously!!). I've made a number of the shoes bags at our nursery (as favours for friends) and wanted to make sure that Lily's was as good as all the others, if not better, so I combined a blue striped canvas that I love with a red and white polkadot, along with a red and natural linen deer applique.

Lily likes it. Bella likes nothing. Such is life....

Comments

[hazeljoy]

bloody wicked!
LOVE that first shot x

[kim @ mommyknows]

Lily's shoe bag is fab.

My youngest went through similar mood swings to Bella. It lasted a few months. Eventually she got the message that aggression is not acceptable. She's still a misery guts on a regular basis though. She is also like sunshine often as well. I think it's just HER.

Kim

[kali]

sorry about the difficult time with Bella...wishing you better days ahead...they're coming, they always do.
you're a great mum, and your girls are beautiful.
xo, K.

[Jennifer]

Is Bella about 4? My friends with daughters all struggled with them when the girls were around 4 years old. When the phase was over for one daughter, her mom told me, "I feel like I got my Emma back."
Good luck!

[Emma]

If it's any consolation the same thing is going on in my house with one desperately loved and horrendously mean-spirited (and that's the nicest things I can say!) 5 year old. I too was reduced to tears this week. Full moon??

Here's to better days and weeks ahead.

Hope going off the 'roids helps. Do you have to wean Bella off them?

[Laura]

Well, if it's any consolation, I've been wondering when to call the exorcist for my formerly easy-going, sweet-natured 4.5 year old daughter!! Just kidding, sort of....

[Kate]

I have just stumbled accross your blog and have no idea how long Bella has been at school but I do know that my 2 oldest girls have been nightmares in the first 6 months of starting school. Angry, aggresive, argumentative, tearful, needy... I could go on and on. They do calm down and part of me always thinks they use up all their 'good' at school so its inevitable that they are dificult at home where they feel secure. I hope she settles down soon.

[Mrs Bun]

Your first pic made me feel very broody again - I loved that stage. Such a funny shot.

My girls are 7 and 9 and we've been through so many phases and completely different for each. I'd just say looking back it's settling into school, holding your own with other kids and different pecking orders. You sound a great mum and you'll get it sorted, it's just tough getting there.

Lisa x

[Levineke]

I noticed a big change in my children's behaviour when they started school. In particular, Julian, who was always mild mannered, even tempered and gentle, came home cross, frustrated and angry. I think he used up all his energy being good at school that he had to act up at home. I guess it's good that he's good at school.....
I hope Bella cheers up soon - life should be happy for the most part!
l
x

[Esther]

I love your first photo with the 'sunnies & laptop'. My thoughts are with you on your trying times - I too have witnessed behaviour changes with medications; of the adult kind; so can only imagine that with a little one it would be repeated tenfold. All the best.

[Racquel]

My niece took steroids for her Asthma, but it made her aggressive so they changed to something else. Possibly the same thing? Is she four? I noticed both of my girls were horrible at four. Hang in there things will get better.

[Karen]

Bring her round here - she's never aggressive round here. or maybe it just goes unnoticed because of the far more severe levels of aggression in residence! Miss her and the Nut Job...(LOVE the bag x) xx

[Kristy]

I think that you've probably been lucky with Bella's behaviour so far.She is such a sweet natured girl but unfortunately I think they all go through a very testing time where they try out being aggressive and obstructive.They are just exploring their emotions and we as parents have to teach how to manage them by being consistent and fair.Which I'm sure you do anyway.I know it's hard not react in anger sometimes but if you can try to be very level headed about it she will realise that there are more approproate ways to handle her feelings. I doubt it will last long but it'll feel like forever!
I still struggle with my response sometimes and am more shouty than I should be. When that happens I always apologise so the girls realise that everyone struggles with handling their emotions/temper sometimes but that doesn't mean it's okay to give in to them.
Phew that was a long comment!

[Kristy]

BTW I forgot to say that schools have a machine above their doors that sprinkle children with 'good dust' as they enter and suck it right back off again at hometime.
Honestly it's true!
I find a nice snack straight after school on the way home staves off the 'post school I'm too tired and don't know what to do with myself' meltdowns!

[tracy]

that first picture is the best one *ever* - little lily looks like she is overflowing with personality x
as for miss bella... i am sure it is just a stage of life - but i do wonder about the steroids - it will be interesting to see.
hold on in there treefall family - it will all come good in the end
love to you all
t x

[maypole]

I'm sure Bella is just asserting herself.

You know, we accept that grown ups can feel and show all sorts of emotions and yet we sometimes question when children show them and sometimes feel we have to curtail them. We do to a certain extent and I agree with what Kristy said in her first post ( and the second!).
I am sure you are a very loving and competent mother. Believe me, we are still learning to be good parents all through our childrens lives.
I am a granny now and I always say, I have become the perfect mother since becoming a granny!

[maypole]

oh and by the way, GREAT photos.

[Nichola]

Oh yes we have that here too but i have two little girls in the phase. Hard work but it'll pass...i hope!
Love the shoe bag :)

[Sam]

Floundering as a parent... I totally feel your pain! No matter where I look everyone else seems to have it all sewn up (excuse the pun!)Thanks for keeping it real!

[India]

The first twenty years are the worst ;0)

[maypole]

SAM!! don't you believe it!

[janjan]

Manda, have you been to your GP about Bella-v-Steroids? They can have side effects I guess but it's a good idea to get advice. It is also a difficult time when they start school. I imagine many of us have been through that part of it with our kids(tantrums, challenging behaviour etc). They begin mixing with other kids and learn all sorts of new behaviours and language! Good luck!! xxx

[Jane Bain]

I have been reading and enjoying your blog for quite a while Manda. You seem to be a fab Mum. Sometimes I think we can be too critical of ourselves in relation to our children, although reflection makes us better Mum's. I'm quite sure Bella will come round soon and be back to her normal self. Your shoe bag is lovely, as is your blog. Keep on keeping on!

[Denise]

wow.....the bag is beautiful....you should put them in your etsy shop

[antmee]

Love your blog. Your girls are normal. Believe me Ive' been there with three kids. I hate to say this but wait till they are teenagers! I like the saying: "Bury them at 14, dig them up at 18" lol