Sorry to rely on another catalogue post, even if it is some of the gorgeous clothes featured in the latest Saltwater collection.
It's a busy week this week. Both workwise and with family life. I've got lots of deadlines and lots of new ideas that I'm desperate to get to. But I've also got new personal situations to deal with.
The combination of Mum's illness and Jim being out of work, plus Bella's and Lily's physical issues has all taken it's toll on me this year. And because I want to be able to continue coping, and I can recognise the signs, I have decided to seek some help. Which means that after a 3 month wait for an appointment, I have a counselling session today.
I'm not sure what to expect from the appointment. I know that it can't solve our problems, but I am hoping that having someone to talk to that isn't emotionally involved will allow me to let out a lot of fears and feelings that I've been having to keep to myself until now.
In the past when I've needed to express myself, I've turned here, to the blog and to so many of you that have supported me over the last 5 years. Writing about my miscarriages truly helped me come to terms with them. And after Lily was born and Bella and I struggled to adjust to our new relationship, it was writing about it and sharing it with so many of you that enabled me to get back on track so quickly.
But this year, I haven't been able to turn to my writing. Mum's cancer isn't mine to write about. Although I could spend hours and hours writing about how it affects me and how much I've changed in the last 6 months and how much I hurt, I wouldn't just be writing about me. And that wouldn't be fair on the other people in my life, who are going through the same things and feeling the same pain.
So instead of working through my fears by writing about them and sharing them with all of you, I have been trying to deal with them by myself as well as I can.
Which most of the time, isn't too bad. Most days are fine. But the bad days really are bad. And I would like help with that. Just someone to talk to. Someone to listen. Someone that won't feel responsible. And most importantly, most importantly of all, I want to talk to someone that won't be heartbroken by my pain.
So, even though I don't know if it's the right thing for me, I'm going to go and discuss my worst fears and the fact that some of them are becoming a reality, with a complete stranger. And I'm hoping that it will help, just a little. Because I want to continue coping as well as I do. And I want those bad days to be a little easier.
