We've had a rough week this week. Both girls have been poorly, and it was my parents 48th wedding anniversary, the first one since we lost my Mum. Plus it's been really cold. And frankly I've had enough of the really cold.
But this morning I woke up and it was beautifully sunny and the girls temperatures were finally back to normal, plus it's the half term holidays, so no getting up early tomorrow, or making sure that packed lunches have been bought or that uniforms have been washed.
I'm always amazed as we start to slowly edge in to Spring, just how much difference the change in light makes. Without really noticing it, the days are getting longer and the light is getting brighter. Even this early in to the year, I'm starting to notice the greenery pushing through the mud and ice, even if it's only the weeds. And at this time every year I start to remember just how much easier life starts to feel with the promise of longer days and brighter light.
This year is different though. This year is going to be a hard one. Everything is a first. Bella's 8th birthday was the first one that my Mum wasn't there for. Its the first Valentines Day that I haven't had a card from her. On Lilys birthday next week she will turn an age that my Mum never saw . Next month it will be my first Mothers Day without her. Then it will be my first wedding anniversary (and she's the only member of either mine or Jims family that has ever remembered it), then my first birthday. It will go on all year. And it makes looking forward very hard.
But the sun light and the promise of spring still makes my heart feel slightly fuller. Even this year.Today , while enjoying my sun lit studio and thinking about how I will face the year, I did what I love to do, I made a new pair of leggings for Lily to wear to the park, and started a new blouse for Bella. And I imagine that's what I'll continue to do.