Three years ago today I woke up to a new life. It was not a life that I wanted or asked for. It was a life full of pain and grief. It was a life that scared me senseless. Three years ago today I woke up knowing, but not comprehending, that I would never see my Mum again.
The last three years have not been how I wanted my life to be. It has not been how I wanted my daughters lives to be. We have all been permanently scarred by what life has thrown at us and it has affected how we see the world and the people around us.
Almost two years ago I woke up knowing that this could not continue. That it all had to change. That my daughters, the most important people in my life and the only reason that I was still waking up in the morning, could not continue living the lives they were living. They deserved so much more. They deserved a school that cherished them and friends that loved them. They deserved to be able to explore and play and have fun, knowing that they were safe. They deserved to be surrounded by beauty and to know how important that beauty is. They deserved everything that I could possibly give them.
Three years ago today, I woke up knowing that everything had changed beyond repair.
Three years later I wake up in my new life.
I still hurt, I still grieve, and I still cry.
But our lives are now completely different.
Life here on the Isle of Wight is everything we had hoped for, and as much as we need. We can't change the last 3 years and we can't have Mum back. But we can change our future.
And we have.