Tree Fall

Self Portrait Tuesday

Boy this one's a hard one. I enjoyed last months theme of Personal History, but I'm really unsure about this months theme of All Of Me! I've chickened out for the last two weeks, but this morning I decided to bite the bullet and go for it. So here I am. Straight out of the shower, wet hair, no make up, enormous forehead, the lot! I haven't touched this up in any way (although I'm sorely tempted). The background is my shower curtain with the sun shining through it.
Needless to say I don't usually let people see me this way and although I'm not one for a ton of make up or anything, I do prefer to look a little less stark.

Self Portrait Tuesday

I've really struggled over whether or not to use this photo for todays SPT. It's a very personal piece of my history and although I am not embarressed to talk about it, it may make other people uncomfortable. It was however taken exactly 2 years ago today - so it just feels like it's meant to be.
This was our first positive pregnancy test after almost two years of trying to have a baby.  We were very very happy and incredibly shell shocked that it had come up positive. After seeing so many negative tests you really don't believe that you'll ever, ever see a positive. But there it was.
The next day, on Jim's birthday, I unfortunately miscarried. It was a very strange situation to be in. We'd only known I was pregnant for one day, so we hadn't had time to bond or even get used to the idea that we were pregnant. But it still hurt like pure hell to loose something that we'd wanted for so long, so quickly.
I lost another 2 pregnancies over the next 5 months, before finally getting pregnant with Bella. And for those months my miscarriages were who I was. They defined me. Over the two years of trying to get pregnant Jim and I had carried the burden of failure together. It could be either or both of us. But the miscarriages could only be my fault. Our inability to have a child was down to me. I didn't know who I was or what I was supposed to do. And that's when I discovered quilting. I completely fell in love with everything to do with quilting and I honestly believe that it saved my life. It gave me focus and meaning until I finally had Bella, who gives me more focus or meaning than I could ever imagine.
I still have that positive pregnancy test and still ocassionally look at it. It doesn't make me sad, it's just a part of my history.

Self Portrait Tuesday

19 years old in 1989. On holiday with my then boyfriend. We were in Dusseldorf, Germany, visiting my parents. When we arrived off the plane my father (who was a colonel in the army) was so embarressed by how we looked that he didn't even say hello, he just walked off.
I loved my hair that colour and am quite tempted to go there again.

Self Portrait Tuesday

It is Tuesday today, right?

This is a photo of me and my two brothers, taken when I was about 4 months I guess.
Everyone has always said that Bella looks like me but I could never see it, until she was about 6 months old and my mom showed me this picture of me!

Here's a photo of Bella, can you see the resemblance?

SPT - Personal History

This is my first attempt at Self Portrait Tuesday. It's a photo taken about 4 years ago of my then husband and my now husband. Ex husband is in the background, current husband in the foreground.

It was taken at the beach in Edinburgh on a lovely sunny but chilly day at the start of summer. All three of us had seperate yet interlinked memories of going to that particular beach. I had gone with my ex husband when we were married, and had very fond memories of sitting in the dunes, people watching and he  had gone to the beach with Jim (current husband) on a number of college trips out and had always loved it. At the time of the photo I was still officially married to ex husband (although separated) but was living with Jim (due to be married the following year).

I love the photo so much as it reminds me of how lucky I am to (still) have both men in my life, albeit transatlantically with ex husband now.