I keep starting this post and then deleting it, going back on Twitter for a few minutes, checking Facebook, starting it again, deleting it again, writing an email, starting it again, deleting it.....

I want to write about the beautiful new poster that I bought from here and how perfect I think it looks with the amazing Habitat lamp that I got in the sale a few weeks ago for £15, reduced from £65! And I would like to take you on a bit of a tour around the room that is finally starting to be a place that I can relax in. But it all feels kind of shallow. Which is perhaps unfair because in reality, having a room that I can disappear in to and shut the world out of, is now more important than ever. Because my mum is seriously ill. And that fact alone occupies my mind at the moment and colours my view of the world around me.

Which is not to say that I suddenly find myself looking at my new prints or lamp and thinking they're pointless, because I don't. It just feels shallow to talk about them. Every time I start a sentence about them a part of my brain shouts, loudly, "who cares?". But the fact is, I do. I do care that when I get in to bed, feeling like my entire world has just crashed down around me, it truly does help to lie staring at this little scene. It might make me shallow but this stuff makes a difference in my life. It's not about possessions or about buying expensive things. It's about creating spaces that are calm and peaceful in an attempt to counteract the lack of calm space inside my head.

So... I don't know what's coming or how I'll cope. But I do know that I'm going to finish making the world around me look the way I need it to look. And I'm going to take comfort from it whenever I can.

Which means that I need to buy a few more prints, put up a couple of shelves, cover a chair (I have big, patchwork/embroidery plans for that), make a couple of cushions and finally sort out the huge pile of baby/toddler clothes that have taken residence at one end of the room.  And I have to keep telling myself that its all important. At least to me.